Tuesday, August 31, 2004
falling out of luv b4 u even try....
my decision.
i've decided.
hesitation.
filled wif confusion.
but finally.
i got to let it go.
free from all emotions and feelings.
i've many dreams
too many things to do.
den to waste my time tinking abt you.
r u worth it?
i found myself questioning.
maybe yes and maybe not.
but i'm sick and tired of trying.
going out for a blur future.
in the end,
i noe,
the one left crying.
the one left sitting alone.
the one ....
will be nobody...
but me.
peace.
i'm really fine alone.
am i?
babe will find her way home.
fcuk you!||8/31/2004 12:40:00 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
sch life is really damn hectic but surprisingly.. i'm still enjoying every bit of it :) whether its rushing like hell for assignments or running for classes... its juz so exciting, challenging & enjoyable for me. but there is only one thing dat i'm upset abt... i miss my frens like crazy. it has been a long time since i step into kallang netball centre and i really miss the times dat i spent dere wif my teammates. the use to be second home of mine seems abit distant now... noe u guys hav been wondering where the hell did i disappear too.. haha nie! haha~ teacher in the making *grinZ* the load of sch wk has been so heavy that subciously, i have cut down the frequency of visiting my favourite parties in town... dat's new isn't it? hee~
to liyana, nobody had make me cried so badly b4 and i'm very honour to sae dat.. u r the 1st idoit in my life to make me so touch dat i cried when i read ur blog on my very gloomy sundae morning... coz i was rushing like hell for my assignments :( and my fren thot dat i got dumped by a guy or something haha! cant wait to see u soon! let's have a big tk gathering soon! like after ur As n all the stupid uni exams!
gtg to rush for ivp training liao! will try to find time to blog again! take care peeps! rach misses u guys like crazy! every single one of ur!do msg me k!!!! ciao!
fcuk you!||8/30/2004 05:56:00 PM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
nothing's gonna happen... i'm fine alone ... at the end of the day, i noe i will get hurt n upset coz i noe dat he's not thinking the way i am... n its hard coz when i realise dat i hav some feelings for him, i start to avoid. no longer being myself by fooling ard wif him, smile when we see each other in sch, stop calling him silly names dat i gave...yes, i've decided... unless...
pple nv fail to amaze at the way dat they get jealous of the way dat i can hang out n fool ard wif guys.. haha(cynical one) i juz cant stop laughing into their faces. n get it right fr now on, i DID NOT do anythin in particular to attract the so called attention dat i'm recieving in sch. like wat lenny sae its not my fault dat pple noe me n harlow~ i'm so big lo its like quite hard not to see me ah! stupid. n i'm feeling dis way becoz of one person dat making me feels so neh now! watever~ i'm juz being myself. if u r not happie wif it den buzz of. i cant pls everybody. isnt it strange dat some gals can behave in this way. my goodness! trying all sorts of ways to make me feel upset or jealous? sorry ah! u aint gonna succeed coz i dun give a shit whether pple tink i'm pretty or watever shit! wat a bugger! i really dun give a damn. i'm like more disappointed den sad now. nvm...
to all my babelicious frens who have been reading my blog... really miss u guys alot! like wat jiamin told me.. true frens r really hard to find! going uni really make me appreciate u guys more!well, not as if i'm not enjoyin sch la... i luv pess! juz some pple! they r not gonna affect me!
gonna hav inter class volleyball later! i'm gonna hav fun though i dun noe hw i'm gonna play wif my wrist! will see hw! take care guys! hope to c u guys real soon! cheers!
fcuk you!||8/25/2004 11:53:00 AM
nothing's gonna happen... i'm fine alone ... at the end of the day, i noe i will get hurt n upset coz i noe dat he's not thinking the way i am... n its hard coz when i realise dat i hav some feelings for him, i start to avoid. no longer being myself by fooling ard wif him, smile when we see each other in sch, stop calling him silly names dat i gave...yes, i've decided... unless...
pple nv fail to amaze at the way dat they get jealous of the way dat i can hang out n fool ard wif guys.. haha(cynical one) i juz cant stop laughing into their faces. n get it right fr now on, i DID NOT do anythin in particular to attract the so called attention dat i'm recieving in sch. like wat lenny sae its not my fault dat pple noe me n harlow~ i'm so big lo its like quite hard not to see me ah! stupid. n i'm feeling dis way becoz of one person dat making me feels so neh now! watever~ i'm juz being myself. if u r not happie wif it den buzz of. i cant pls everybody. isnt it strange dat some gals can behave in this way. my goodness! trying all sorts of ways to make me feel upset or jealous? sorry ah! u aint gonna succeed coz i dun give a shit whether pple tink i'm pretty or watever shit! wat a bugger! i really dun give a damn. i'm like more disappointed den sad now. nvm...
to all my babelicious frens who have been reading my blog... really miss u guys alot! like wat jiamin told me.. true frens r really hard to find! going uni really make me appreciate u guys more!well, not as if i'm not enjoyin sch la... i luv pess! juz some pple! they r not gonna affect me!
gonna hav inter class volleyball later! i'm gonna hav fun though i dun noe hw i'm gonna play wif my wrist! will see hw! take care guys! hope to c u guys real soon! cheers!
fcuk you!||8/25/2004 11:53:00 AM
nothing's gonna happen... i'm fine alone ... at the end of the day, i noe i will get hurt n upset coz i noe dat he's not thinking the way i am... n its hard coz when i realise dat i hav some feelings for him, i start to avoid. no longer being myself by fooling ard wif him, smile when we see each other in sch, stop calling him silly names dat i gave...yes, i've decided... unless...
pple nv fail to amaze at the way dat they get jealous of the way dat i can hang out n fool ard wif guys.. haha(cynical one) i juz cant stop laughing into their faces. n get it right fr now on, i DID NOT do anythin in particular to attract the so called attention dat i'm recieving in sch. like wat lenny sae its not my fault dat pple noe me n harlow~ i'm so big lo its like quite hard not to see me ah! stupid. n i'm feeling dis way becoz of one person dat making me feels so neh now! watever~ i'm juz being myself. if u r not happie wif it den buzz of. i cant pls everybody. isnt it strange dat some gals can behave in this way. my goodness! trying all sorts of ways to make me feel upset or jealous? sorry ah! u aint gonna succeed coz i dun give a shit whether pple tink i'm pretty or watever shit! wat a bugger! i really dun give a damn. i'm like more disappointed den sad now. nvm...
to all my babelicious frens who have been reading my blog... really miss u guys alot! like wat jiamin told me.. true frens r really hard to find! going uni really make me appreciate u guys more!well, not as if i'm not enjoyin sch la... i luv pess! juz some pple! they r not gonna affect me!
gonna hav inter class volleyball later! i'm gonna hav fun though i dun noe hw i'm gonna play wif my wrist! will see hw! take care guys! hope to c u guys real soon! cheers!
fcuk you!||8/25/2004 11:53:00 AM
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
can someone tell me wat shd i do nw?i tink i'm falling in luv wif somebody.. n its scaring me real bad...so many questions running thru my head... feel like im gonna drown soon...does he feel the same way? am i being too sensitive? u dun even luv urself dat much.. hw can u luv someone else?its always all dis stupid considerations dat i hav dat's holding me back.. so wat rach will do in the end is... dig a hole, throw in all the feelings n emotions, n bury it. pretend dat nothing happen. carry on wif my life. i'm afraid of being hurt. but... am i really gonna let it go again? damn it... show me the way.
fcuk you!||8/24/2004 11:07:00 AM
Sunday, August 15, 2004
courage.give me time to recharge the level of courage in me.the courage to stand up n fight on no matter wat.the courage to be loved.the courage to love again.till den,peace....
fcuk you!||8/15/2004 09:54:00 AM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
have you ever had the feeling dat ur life is too precious n short to waste? dun noe why... but recently, this issue keeps stucking in my mind... making me feel so confused n lost..nope... dun get the wrg idea, i dun regret getting into nie becoz teaching is really a caling for me.a vocation :)
its abt netball... its scary hw im not enjoying the game like last time. i'm freaking out. initially, i only wanted to take a break n come back stronger but... it seems otherwise. i'm already 19 dis yr. well... i dun give a shit if u tink dat i'm wasting my life away by going clubbing. being a regular clubber doesnt mean im a bad n wild gal. i'm still me. i'm still the rachel dat my frens noe n adore so stop bugging me.i juz luv to sway n groove to the rhythms so stop critising me or my kakis juz becoz u cant shake ur ass like mine haha!there are so many things out dere dat i really wan to try.i wan to try wking as an intern for a mag.i wan to go for overseas community involvment proj.i wan to set up my own buisness one day. i wan to take up the mass comm degree one day in the future.i wan to learn hw to scratch music if possible.im even tinking bout going for a dj-ing course organise my perfect ten to see hw a radio station wks.dun ask me why i'm so interested in all dis. i dun noe... maybe dat's why i'm so confused. maybe all dis ideas n desires hav been buried in me for all dis yrs, n finally nw, i hav abit more courage to show it to the world.... yet, i mite nt do or fulfil in the end coz i noe, its not gonna be an easy journey to shift my life away from the netball circle.coz i practically spent all my life in dere. i bet pple r wondering hw come rach become so wild out of a sudden... the chirpy n innocent n dun noe wat word to use rach suddenly become so punk... the questioning of who i am by pple ard me really confuse me ...sometimes i get so carried away wif wat others sae n tink abt me dat i lose the grasp to my inner self.izit normal to feel dis way?i dun noe... maybe all dis r juz part of growing up.moving away fr ur comfort zone is nv easy. but if u nv try, u nv noe. if netball is really no longer a part of me, i will let it go.. even if i'm gonna shed lot of tears. time will heal everything.i tink.n i hope it will.i rather spend my life the way i really wan it even if i take the long way to get to the final destination of my life journey.i dun wan to hav any more regrets. i dun wan to hear myself saying in the future:"damn it! i shd hav follow my heart back den."wat's the pt den? u cant turn back time. but u hav the future.so decide n get something out of it.i wan to live everyday to the fullest.as if i'm gonna die n leave this world the very next minute.
trust in me when i say... i love you.
fcuk you!||8/12/2004 06:25:00 PM
went zouk last nite n had lot of fun hehe! dance like crazy! haha~ guess wat! leon gave me n wendy 6 free tix to go zouk on friday haha~ muz be miss us n he look damn cool when he went to stop pple fr fighting haha~ damn it! n i was like tinking b4 dat i lost interest in this eye candy liao.. boo!
wat's wrg man?cant a gal ask a guy out for a date?hehe~tink i'm like freaking my pals out when i tell them dat i might go date this guy in sch haha!rach very gd at saying... nt brave enough to do it haha~crap!
fcuk you!||8/12/2004 12:21:00 PM
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
hw crazy it is man!!! hw can pple look so alike!!! damn it!! can u believe it??? i found someone who look exactly like leon in sch!!! f**K! its damn scary man!!! boo! but nvm.. i'm gonna see the real leon tonite at zouk haha~ studied till like 1 am yest den had to drag my so tired body out of bed for track class hehe its was fun but my discus throwing is still SUPER CANNOT MAKE IT!!! haha~den needed some time to calm my thots n hav some self time so went to swim for half an hr haha~ pls let me lose some wt man hee~ not much progress for oggling guys haha machan like all attached liao... sian~!!! k dat's all.. got to go for class liao!!!
fcuk you!||8/11/2004 12:36:00 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
sch's was really tiring today n my wk r really piling like crazy!!! better buck up!!!dis wk gonna be party wk! tmr going zouk den thur going to th bash.. hope i dun die on fri haha~ k la.. not in the mood to blog much! juz take care everybody!
fcuk you!||8/10/2004 11:20:00 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
aiyo happie times(hw bout slacking time!haha) really pass very fast~ boo! gonna go back sch tmr!well, sch's fun but i miss spending time wif my frens n family.n suppose to do some wk over the long weekend, but obviously i've been slacking big times. u better start wking or as crossing over to the degree course will juz be another big fat hope of urs!boo!
i designed n made a pair of canvas sneakers for me, myself & i haha~ save the angel, kill the devil. whaha~ come on man! sae dat i'm darn cool n artsy!hee~ i'm gonna go wk as a intern in a mag during the holidae!!! haha~ it has been my dream for a long time to try wking in a media-related place n find out hw these talented peeps put a mag together!gtg pack my bag n get ready to go back hostel liao,papa gonna send me! yay~
fcuk you!||8/09/2004 06:30:00 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
its amazing wat a fren can do to u, hw they add joy n laughters to ur life wif a snap of ur fingers. juz simple conversations,no frills. tink u will treasure those special friendships even more when u embark into another stage of ur life journey. coz the older u get, the closer u get to reality, the easier to lose ur true self n identity.i'm not worried though coz i noe the angels in my life will keep me grounded n always dere to remind me who i am, n of coz shower each other wif luv n concern. for the reason dat we really care for each other, deep fr the heart. no hesitation to give more, take less. trust n trueness. cant wait to meet up wif everybody!
inky, thanx for the movie n shopping spree today! luv ya babe! we juz gt to noe each other more today! more to come babe!
liling, drop me a sms when u read dis! miss u loads babe! noe u hav been real bz wif hall stuff so didnt wan to make u stress by bugging u to meet me real soon! haha~ but we r definately gonna go sing kbox!clubbing!shopping!pig out! so many things dat i wan to do wif u!
bud, when we gonna meet u neh neh!!! haha~
furby!!! miss ur auntie ness haha n ur crap! let's go out soon!
wendy n minyan, i'm glad dat i gt to noe u guys better after we left nj!more to come for our finally found frenship! dun we guys juz rock zouk like hell!!! haha
pretty babes(u noe who u r), meet up soon! no matter hw bz we r wif our lives, u guys r still a big part of me. really miss those times in nj dat we spent together :)
tk netballers~ someone go organise a team outing haha~ grace sim!!! u go do it!!! too many things to update each other liao!!!
juz in case dat my guy frens r still wondering why i'm nt attached, dat's becoz i hav no time for guys haha~ i rather spend my precious time wif my GIRLFRIENDS!!! gal power!!!
fcuk you!||8/08/2004 11:58:00 PM
Friday, August 06, 2004
think coming to nie is the best life decision dat i've made... u noe wat.. i'm reallly enjoying myself now... despite the fact dat classes n the load of wk can be really hectic n stressful.but school life is no longer a dread for me!!! which is a miracle! i can learn hw to play all sorts of games... get to noe more pple... even after school, me n a few of my frens will juz go get a frisbee n charge to the hockey pitch,soccer,squash,table tennis(when the sun get real hot),swimming n so much more!!! cant wait to shift to hall 6 which is more happening den e one i'm currently stayinh. haha~ well, hw bout cute guys... not alot ... sad haha~ but still hav la haha~ see until i wan to nose bleed liao haha~ hopefully i can do well enough to get cross over to the degree course den i stay for 2 more yrs hee den wan to join the pess club too!!! i oso sighed up for this youth expediation programme whereby we r given the opportunity to go countries like cambodia, vietanm n india to do community wk... which is something dat i always wanted to do hee~~ life juz seems so great nw... n maybe its really a gd timing nw to reduce my commitment in netball.... see hw things go la.. watever dat happen might juz be a blessing in disguise... :) live life with passion!
fcuk you!||8/06/2004 04:13:00 PM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
been a long time since i update my blog man... lotz of things happen recently... came back fr asian youth last sundae... miss all the peeps in the team!today is the second day of sch... everything's quite hectic so i bet things onli gonna get tougher.. but well... think it's quite challenging! me gonna shift hall too... fr hall 15 to hall 6 coz the current hall is damn blooody boring! aniwae most prob i'm gonna take a break fr netball.. yuppie.. wanna try other new stuff! like youth expedition project, physical education n sport science committe, study hard n get cross over to degree course, learn scuba diving blah blah... lotz more man!wanna make my campus life in ntu as fulfiling as possible! study hard n play hard!!! hee~ so as a component of playing will be clubbing haha~ mambo nite tmr so muz study real hard tonite to make up for nt gonna study tmr nite... hav nsl games too bah!!!! saw a damn cute guy today though haha~ he shall make my life more exciting in nie hee~~ most prob gonna meet minyan later to go for run though i'm still aching fr this morning's track n field class!!! jia you ba!!!
fcuk you!||8/03/2004 06:18:00 PM