Saturday, July 17, 2004
i nv knew or really understood her love for her. till last nite. bud always give me a feeling dat she's not very serious dat type.n kind of scare me real bad when i finally realised she really luv mei alot. at least in my eyes. no matter wat the other pple in the netball scene tinks bout amy....she fascinated me with her courage to admit dat she's not straight. she like gals. so pple out dere, stop asking me if she is a lesbian. so wat if she is. wat does it got to do with u. dun discriminate others juz becoz they r different fr u, sexuality or wateva. come on, give them a break.she is juz being herself. they r juz being who they r inside. step back, reflect. maybe u will understand why i admire them for their courage to dare to yell out to the superficial world.they r real. do u get it? ask urself.... r u real?
a note to bud...
everything will be ok. hav faith in urself n meimei k u will make it thru :)
fcuk you!||7/17/2004 01:49:00 PM
In all the world there is no one else like me
There are persons who have some parts like me
But no one addes up exactly like me.
Therefore everything that comes out of me is authentically mine
because I alone chose it. I own everything about me
My body, including everything it does;
My mind, including all its thoughts and ideas;
my eyes, including the images of all they hold;
My feelings whatever they may be,
anger, joy frustration, love, disappointment, excitement;
My mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect;
My voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts
I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzles me, and other aspects I do not know.
But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me.
This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and flet, some may turn out to be unfitting.
I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and therefore I am OK.
- Virginia Satir
hey sam, thanx u so much for this poem :)
fcuk you!||7/17/2004 01:29:00 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
life's wierd. life's a fight wif urself.i dun noe.feeling so funny now. dun noe sad or happie but... nvm... i only noe i really wan to win asian youth. i damn bloody wan the gold medal!!!!! n its not helping when i keep telling myself how much i dread bout going lanka so stop complaining rachel yim! nuff playing ard liao. its time to settle down n noe wats impt at this pt in time. let's wk hard together team! we can do it! i really believe... let's hold on to each other n fight hard as a team! its time to rock the world babes!bring it on malaysia n sri lanka! may the best team emerge victorious!
fcuk you!||7/15/2004 02:04:00 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
the truth will prevail. i will survive. rach will jia you de. thanx for being dere. u noe who u r.luv u guys lotz.n my baobei tickling leon :)
ang mog song of the yr.... summer nite
chi na song of the yr... lang hua yi duo duo
group of the yr...name unconfirmed haha~
fcuk you!||7/14/2004 12:29:00 AM
Monday, July 12, 2004
im stressed. damn fucking stress. dun ask me why. i dun noe. im feeling giddy.tired but i cant sleep. eating like crazy. binging n dat only make me feel even more guilty.i wan to run away. hide somewhere. i need love. juz tell me u luv me for who i am.tell me u care bout me.lost n confused. wat if nie find out dat i'm mentally unstable... will they still wan me? maybe i can hide fr them. but wat if i break down in sch one day. will history repeats itself? juz like wat happen in nj? i thot i recover already. i will no longer be a burden to my frens. they wouldnt hav to worry bout me anymore. they will always see the happy side of me. i can no longer conceal the fear. the fear of slumping into depression again.come hold me tight n tell me i'm gonna be alrite. dat i will be fine. dat i will be sane enough to not hurt myself. dat i can still hav a chance to recover once again n lead a normal life.sae dat i'm stubborn. i dun wan to admit dat dere is a prob wif me. i got damn fucking drunk on fri nite. sorry amy, u got to take care of me. i'm a selfish buddy. sorry inky, liyana, fen, shuang,huilin n jingqing. i didnt mean to throw tantrum to u all when i fell dat day at sports sch.i couldnt control whether u guys believe anot. n dat's wat i mean i will be a burden to u guys. sudden mood swings. adnormal eating habits.hallucinations. insomia.i'm scare. we will be dere to help u... i noe u guys will sae dat. but wat if i get so irriating n troublesome? n will i recover? will i be dat lucky again?its not dat i dun hav faith in u guys. i dun hav faith in myself.i noe how bad things can be coz i've been dere once. i read abt it. pple who suffered depression n eating disorder b4, has a higher chance of slipping bacck into it. n it will only get more worse.will i be alone? wat if i shun away fr everybody unkowningly? will i survive dis time round?
fcuk you!||7/12/2004 12:00:00 AM
Friday, July 09, 2004
found a new place to chill...zouk wine bar! haha~i like the atmosphere dere. laidback, relax yet stylish hehe~ well lotz of things happen yest! i dyed my hair red whaha~ ok watever~ shit u if u tink dat i look like a CAL(stands for chao ah lian) hehe~ i still tink i look damn good whaha~ rey did a very gd job for all of us! hee~ as if we went for extreme make over whaha~ den went to meet up wif liling!!! hehe~ we had lotz of fun!went nooch to eat! went shopping @ mango n topshop!!! hehe~ after dat we had on to zouk .. not sure if there was a partyy hehe~ n guess wat!!! dere was a all gals'nite party...n we were so dumb to be tinking.. hw come today so many handsome gals @ zouk today~ haha~ but for juz 5 bucks, we had lotz of fun!but the best part was catching wif ms lee.heart warming... :)
yay~ we gonna make it a regular event to meet up k hee~
i noe wat i wan in life. n i'm glad i found my way. a big thanx u to those who helped me to be who i am now, one way or another.but i still rock!!! whahaha~
fcuk you!||7/09/2004 12:41:00 PM
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
slacking @ home can be real fun heh~ but it means getting fat!let myself sink into the sofa, munching non stop n indulging in the so-damn-interesting hong kong serials haha~ man!i luv my life!hehe~ den went out wif inky! haha~ she was so high man heh ok.. both of us were high! suppose to go watch mean gals but realised dat it like not even shown yet den whole of orchard road was filled wif young n chillish brats who wan to act like their r cool n funky pple but sadly, to me. they look like morons!hah~ juz becoz its youth day holiday! bah!ok rach stop being so hard on them... :P recovery was fun n enjoyable yest! felt good to see everytbody again! heart warming! nv take such feelings or occasions 4 granted...u nv noe when it will be taken away fr u. i luv my teamates! went pigging out wif inky,ling n serene after dat! n we r gonna open a child care centre together!!! haha~ ok i shall be nice to let serene be the principal haha~ den liling be the child psyhologist, inky be the pediatrician(dun noe hw to spell),me n serene be teachers!!! haha~ den i will design a very cute uniform 4 the kids n cook them gd food everyday!!! hehe~ ok dat shall be the plan! in 10yrs time!!!! look out 4 it k!!! whaha!! tonite gonna play wif png liao! excited but shall not tink too much abt it juz play lo. realise dat i will play better wif this mentality. no pressure babe! go out dere n enjoy!tmr mambo nite!!! yeah~~~ miss zouk like crazy!
fcuk you!||7/06/2004 11:33:00 AM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
yay!!!finally i change to prettier blogskin!!!hee~ still not very completed yet... gimme some time k hee~ juz came back fr nz not long ago...still abit jetlag but man! i miss u guys lotz!!! hee~ miss me too rite!! whaha~ the trip was fun!ate n bought lotz of stuffies like choco!!!my gosh!i was mad!played quite well too.. considering dat i've been in a slump 4 so damn fucking long!!! boo~ it's time 4 me to fly man! hee~ couldnt really get use to the weather here.. hate to admit it but kinda miss the times when i can wear like 4 layers of clothes, put on liyana's beanie n of coz wear my fleece gloves, not forgetting the sight of crazy singapore netballers(cladding in pathetic bodysuits!!!in dat cold weather wif the wind blowing. n whenever we r playing, our dear sun dun noe hide where!)junping up n down on court n frantically rubbing the take-so-damn-long-to-get-hot heat packs!oh~~~ wat a funny sight!!! haha~ but i bet all of us enjoyed dat feeling no matter hw much we complained!
aniwae peeps~~~ i got into nie!!! haha~ going for the diploma course!!! better than nothing hee~ my dream to become a teacher!!! hee~ ok tired fr blogging liao.. look forward to the next entry ba...muackz!
fcuk you!||7/04/2004 09:30:00 PM