Thursday, February 19, 2004
a msg for the sjc gals....
maybe its generation gap dat i hav to resort to dis form of communication. maybe dis will make things better n clearer. i hav to admit to u guys very truthfully dat i'm very disappointed by the way u played today.the term 'u' refers to the whole team unless stated. i'm upset not becoz we lost the match but by the way u all played on court till the last whistle. nobody like to be scolded. so i guess majority of u guys r probably pissed off wif me for telling u guys off after the game. many of u tell me dat u didnt give up. yes, maybe u guys really did not give up. but let me tell u the truth, if u were oso watching fr outside, u will probably hav the same feeling or conclusion as me, many of ur were throwing tantrums on court, put it simply, attitude. after toking to a few of ur, its seems to be a misunderstanding. however, hav u guys ever really think abt it carefully... every little thing dat u do or say on court will affect every teammates of urs? think abt it, how did u guys behave after u came out for a break? will it make any difference if u hav ms rachel shouting to fr the sideline wat to do or try every sort of ways to motivate u during break time? during dat short 5 min break, all of ur look so nervous, angry, upset... all jumbled up... the worst thing i felt was.. nobody seems to be listening... n u might tink datdis wrg but let me tell u.. u guys lost dat fighting sprit .... the urgency n burning desire for the ball n the game. its the truth, whether u wan to accept it or not. u will not be able to cross this obstacle if u still refuse to get the fire started. we dun hav anymore time. to let u noe the harsh truth, we hav to win the next 2 matches in order to fight for a space for top 4.in addition, we can only get in if we win either sch by the goal difference.
tink abt it dis way, we wk so hard fr a team who was so scattered to a team so bonded... n now we r facing a problem... the team is on the verge of breaking down...in the sjc c team, we hav 13 players. n only 13 of ur can make up the team, whether u play or not. i noe some of ur r facing immense pressure fr home. but please, give the team one more chance n stay on. u guys can really go far but its all up to u now. its either u cross dat barrier or let it... fade away...
another impt thing, i need u guys to speak up. i'm not a worm in ur stomach. i cant read ur mind. if u dun speak up, i will nv noe wat's bothering u, watproblem r u having or how r u feeling...i'm sure u will wan a coach who understands how u feel rather than blabbering all those rubbish at u everytime rite. if u cant tok to me, as in face to face, den write me a letter or send me an email. watever ways, i juz need u all to speak up. tell me wat;'s wrong. remember... dere is nothing wrg wif ur skill but wat r u thinking up dere?
no matter wat happen, dun quit. remember whenever u r feeling down, ur teammates will be dere to support n pull u thru. trust them n ultimately, hav belief in urself dat u can do it. no point if everybody hav faith in u but u r feeling so insecure inside. the true winner will be the team who give their heart n soul fr the first whistle to the last. come on gals, i believe u can do it. do u?
fcuk you!||2/19/2004 11:49:00 PM
dONt qUIt
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
when the road yr trudging seems uphill,
when the funds are low, n debts are high,
and u wana smile, but u have to sigh.
when care is pressing u down a bit
rest if u must, but dont u quit.
life is queer with its twist n turns
as every one of us sometimes learns,
and many a failure turns about,
what he might have won had he stuck it out;
dont give up though the pace seems slow,
u might succeed with another blow.
success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and u never can tel how close u are,
it may be near when it seems so far;
so stick to the fight when yr hardest hit,
its when things seem worst......
THAT U MUST NOT QUIT!
fcuk you!||2/19/2004 12:09:00 AM
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
fcuk you!||2/17/2004 05:17:00 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
nite of dancing n drinking.... typical wednesdae nite of rachel...ladies nite @ zouk... sick but i still went on wif it... i needed the release... the feel of freedom... in the darkness n wif the music blasting into ur ears... u cant even hear urself... wat kind of feeling is dat? ultimately i noe, clubbing is not wat i call quality time.. but i still need it now... maybe dis is growing up... so peepo, dun worry bout me. noe u guys tink dat i'm really not taking care of myself recently. clubbing drinking etc.. dun worry i wont smoke hehe~ aniwae i've change the url for my blog.. those underage cannnot access into dis site haha~ yuppie! the selection game today was quite alrite... she didnt neh me.. she better dun man... boo!
stupid peng forgot to bring her id so some really hilarious yet lucky stuff happen.. long story.. met up wif lotz of pple... peng, ping, mei, drew, wenkai, nicole, jiahui etc... damn alot of pple haha~ fun but i kind of sei at the end.. tired ba...the only reward is i saw him n another him haha~ one of the him is the bouncer!!!! whoohoo~~~~~ he's so damn blooody cute boo! i lurve u baby! haha~ well, the other him will be for u to guess hehehe~
fcuk you!||2/12/2004 04:20:00 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Well, what's there to say about ya, huh? You're a helpful person who places a high value on harmony. You pay close attention to people's needs and wants and work well with others to complete tasks in a timely and accurate way. You follow through on your commitments...you like structure and closure and like situations where warmth and compassion is shown. You're at your best by organizing people in getting a job done.
Radiate warmth and fellowship and generally fit in well with your classmates or workers....concerned about the feelings of others and like to help out when possible. You know it's important to give as well as receive and like to donate your services as a volunteer. You like to be with compatible people. You have an easier time making friends and accepting their roles in life... you like doing things traditionally.. you're old-fashioned that way.
You take the parent, spouse, employee or whatever role seriously...you learn best in a situation where you know what you can expect...you don't like continued interruptions..you really have to get along and like your teachers to learn well from 'em, huh? You place a high value on following through on tasks and assignments...you take the time to see how things fit together in the big picture, but this sometimes slows you down and makes you feel like you're learning slower than others...you respect rules and authority.. you do what you can to make sure your relationships run smoothly...
When you're in a leading situation, you pay attention to the needs of others. You often come across to others as friendly, warm and concerned....leisure is to be earned after work is done...like posting on the Storm Palace before playing the games.. ...you like including others in your relaxing... you like to have your social events regularly planned -- like a weekly softball league..
Love means warmth and commitment and you show this to your partner in many tangible ways...like cards and gifts and flowers and so on ...once you're committed, you stay in it even if it's an inconvenience to you...and maybe even longer than it's healthy...because you give so easily in a relationship, you're disappointed if others don't give as freely as you do.. you're more loyal to the institution of the relationship or marriage than the person...when burned in a relationship, you get hurt bad, and may need time to heal and get over it before moving on....you can really hurt someone if you wanted to...
Watch for: you tend to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.. learn how to manage conflict and appreciate that conflict can help people in relationships to understand each other better...value your own priorities more and don't always put others' needs ahead of your own...don't bite off more than you can chew...hard to take or give corrective feedback, isn't it? You may not always ask for appreciation that you deserve...you might need to develop more assertiveness that way..you assume you know what's best for others and state these opinions.. that might rub 'em wrong and make you look bossy and rigid.... don't get so caught up in the details that you forget the larger picture....
ESFJ: "Extra Special Friendly Joiner"
fcuk you!||2/10/2004 01:01:00 PM
everything's seems to be falling apart again... life's a fight with urself... sick now... feeling damn bad.. coughing non stop...
my body seems to be falling apart.
my life seems to be falling apart.
my mind is falling apart.
my netball career is falling apart.
i'm falling apart.
i hate things to turn up this way. maybe its generation gap dat things r turning dis way. but i still hate it. damn fucking hate it. why the hell is she always like dis?making all our life so miserable. hating the idea of me thinking of ways to make her less angry when i'm feeling so sick. cant even breathe properly. how the hell am i gonna play tmr? life is always going against u. or maybe its juz me. i dun wan to slip back into depression. but i can feel it coming back. its haunting me. wat shd i do? cant u guys juz let me lead a normal life? let me do wat i really luv? netball is my everything. the only way i can be who i really wan to be. yet u r doing nothing but being a nuisance along the way. sorry for my language. but i'm starting to hate u. yes i hate u. maybe i'm juz pushing the blame ard. its everybody's fault dat i can get rid of the past. i cant. i'm struggling. getting deeper and deeper. i cant get out. and nobody is dere to help me but yet u still push me in deeper. feel like quitting. stop being a hypocrite. dun sae things to me dat in reality, u dun even mean it. stop giving me false hope. styop trying to be a super nice person. its so damn fake. u betray me once. everyone who noes me well will noe dat i hate pple i trust to betray me. once its gone, i will not give it to u anymore.
writing it out makes me feel a little better. but... i feel like running away.... maybe i shd juz go do something different. maybe i shd juz leave everything behind and go overseas to study. from dere, i can start my life all over again. maybe i shd be brave and make such a decision, forget all the thing here, and live ... maybe a happier life.... bring nothing wif me.. no memories, no friends, no family........ no soul...... loneliness and sadness is indulging me... shd i give up?
fcuk you!||2/10/2004 12:28:00 PM
Friday, February 06, 2004
Cannot touch, Cannot hold, Cannot be together
Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
Cannot trip, Cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, Must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on, Must not say
What we no longer long
How can I not love you
When you are gone
fcuk you!||2/06/2004 12:26:00 AM
Thursday, February 05, 2004
tired..... hehe~ rachel is forever tired..boo! but i had a great nite out yesterday hehe~ went out partying wif ah pek and ah mei whahaha~ something crop up b4 dat but well... everything turned out fine in the end.
haven been training seriously ever since the camp and i almost died during nike yesterday.. run like crazy n guess wat i'm aching all over now.. fr training and the dancing hehe~
zouk was fun yesterday .. u noe why.. haha~ i saw my favourite bouncer whoohoo!!!! haha~ den prettly alot of cuties to look at but sadly.. i tink one of them is gay .. kanasai.. so cute go and be gay forever!!! nehnified~ boo!
running out of things to sae liao...
.............. my bdae coming haha~
fcuk you!||2/05/2004 10:43:00 AM
Monday, February 02, 2004
i muz sae after the camp, i;m really quite inspired to wk hard for my dream. as time passes, the fire inside me juz keep getting stronger... its such a strange feeling... but it feels good~ erm.. its like... i found myself again... i can feel myself living... for a reason...
the aust vs nz game was damn good! looking at the world class players really makes me wan to be like them one day... hehe~ u noe wat i finally realise something... my inner voice told me... losing weight shd not be my main focus at the moment now but to train up, like u noe tone up, do weights and get stronger.. hmm.. nvm.. dun tink u guys will understand wat i mean... juz read inky's blog... fr the waterpolo guys... its juz a matter of getting use to it... u noe wat... i'm actually having the idea of going knc every morning to practise shooting b4 i go wk. frankly speaking, i'm really scare dat u noe i wont be able to drag myself out of bed in the morning coz u see doing the shooting circuit dat kate gave will probably take me 1 plus hr den i got to go wk at 9 am @ siglap ... so i will hav to be @ knc by 7 in e morning or even earlier.. heh~ wat time am i suppose to wake up? boo! i'm juz giving myself excuses again.. but ultimately i noe ... u juz need to get use to it! hehe~ yeah! OnZ~ i will go dere tmr early to shoot.. shooting becoming like shit .. hate it!!! heh~ Sharelle McMahon is so good!!! hehe~ she's like so fast, so sharp, so strong, so confident, she juz rox! yeah~ vicki wilson's another one! yup~ bet those whom hav eatch them played will agree wif me! rite?
the high rope course dat we did at police academy..... scare the shit out of me.. boo!!! i swear i hav nv been so scare in my life b4 man! serious! stop laughing k! u will nv understand how it truly feel till u try it! boo! suck! i dun wana tok bout it now ... i dun wan to hav nightmare tonite hehe~
overall, the camp as really great! but there's still alot of things dat i hav to reflect and learn fr it!
in deep thoughts...................................
fcuk you!||2/02/2004 11:22:00 PM
Sunday, February 01, 2004
juz came back from camp ... damn tired... will update more when i recover hehe~ physically and mentally.. u will noe why soon.... boo
fcuk you!||2/01/2004 03:00:00 PM